im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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