So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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