By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
