now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize