The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
