I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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