After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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