When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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