yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
