dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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