Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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