Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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