You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
