it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
