Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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