dude i'm inner monologue high
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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