First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
