Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
foreskin is a definite game changer
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
