apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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