Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
