I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
