my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
