This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
cat food counts as protein by the way
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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