so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
