I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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