dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
