p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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