Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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