i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is it because I queefed?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
