why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
