Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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