i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
