quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize