I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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