Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
