Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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