this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
