There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
