get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize