so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
