The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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