'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
