i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
