She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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