YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
