Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
