so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
