How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
