You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I want her autograph on my taint
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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