I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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