Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
