after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Did I show you my penis last night?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
