apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
