Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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