Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I donβt think I can face reality until Wednesday
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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