Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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