I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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