Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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