someone get that fucking seahorse.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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