Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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