porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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