My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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