I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize