so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
