stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
