weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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