Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
