I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
operation have a gay friend backfired
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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