Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
