Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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