I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
