Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
