We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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