I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
