Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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